Advice to you contemplating Marriage
Some may say it’s sad to never have been in love. Well in some ways yes it is, and it has for many individuals. Some women are more independent than others and choose the lifestyle of being forever single. Most will admit that they couldn’t settle for people giving them less than they believe they were worth or deserved. It wouldn’t be fair to stay and pretend that they were happy when inside they were dying to escape. To be free to express what I love and need, to not be criticized for my opinions, or even trying to have one for a matter of fact. Single hood can be so liberating. Yes we all want to grow old with someone. I do; I want that but do I have to be married to have that. Sometimes, we spoil great friendships with marriage. No one wants to add to the statics that plagues our society, but, wouldn’t it be better to add to that number than the ones where we are ashamed to admit we are depressed and miserable and hide from family and friends because of that stigma and embarrassment. I would take Divorce for $1000 please.
Marriage should be left for the mature and secured individuals. Before you go at me with this let me explain. My friend wasn’t ready. I think she craved independence. she wasn’t ready for raising other people’s children. she could be ready but She wasn’t, and that’s not weakness it's honesty. She needed someone who was going to be honest with her like she was with them; but once you tell that first lie it becomes easier to tell the second and third. she wasn’t ready to feel and experience the same hurtful emotions that she felt in her past abusive relationships. I would say she was a bit delusional about what she would have experienced in her marriage. She thought it would have been all rose petal; she needed to understand and go through some hurt to know that it is truly hard work. she will admit she needed more time to get to know herself, to mature a little.
My advice for those contemplating marriage, whether soon or near future; take your time. Don’t be in hurry to fix yourself by attaching yourself to a relationship hoping that it will change you. The change you are seeking may not be the one you receive. Marriage should always be reserved for whole individuals. it takes two whole individuals, ready emotionally, physically and mentally to take on the task of being one, It's not two halves that make one, it's two whole ones that make a healthy one. Everyone brings baggage into a relationship, know the baggage that it in yours and have a plan on how you're going to handle it on at a time. Don't rush into trying to fix or take on other people's baggage if they have not invited you to help. talk about the things that are important to you, don't brush it under the cover saying its not important. It is to you, so put it on the table for discussion. Never hold back you needs and desires like they are not important to you. If something bothers you share it, no time is better than the present. Later is never greater to deal with issues that affect that heart.
For those of you seeking men with children outside your marriage, know the boundaries that surrounds those children. The bible is clear it the role that children play in every relationship. The spouse comes first, not the child. "Therefore a man shall leave mother and father and cling to his wife." it didn't say children. your mate she always put you first. He should seek to ensure that you are fulfilled in every capacity. His concern should be for your safety, and your need for being loved by him. Your role as the wife in the relationship is to love and honor your mate. respect him.
To the females that already have children outside of marriage, make sure that the man you choose to spend your life with, loves children. Make sure that he even wants children. Many times we go into relationships saying well its me he wants not my kid and so we forget to ask them how they feel. You are a package deal with your kid and so is he with his, so make sure you talk about the children and the boundaries surrounding them. Who will discipline? can we both discipline? Will we discipline separately? Now if there is already separation of roles from the beginning then, you need to ensure that at some point, there is a plan for a turn around where there is collaboration. " A house divided will never stand" children need to see that their parents are one and not divided, some feed off of that and it leaves the door open for confusion and Satan to sip in.
~Some things can be solved standing, but all things will be solved Kneeling~DayzAfter
Marriage should be left for the mature and secured individuals. Before you go at me with this let me explain. My friend wasn’t ready. I think she craved independence. she wasn’t ready for raising other people’s children. she could be ready but She wasn’t, and that’s not weakness it's honesty. She needed someone who was going to be honest with her like she was with them; but once you tell that first lie it becomes easier to tell the second and third. she wasn’t ready to feel and experience the same hurtful emotions that she felt in her past abusive relationships. I would say she was a bit delusional about what she would have experienced in her marriage. She thought it would have been all rose petal; she needed to understand and go through some hurt to know that it is truly hard work. she will admit she needed more time to get to know herself, to mature a little.
My advice for those contemplating marriage, whether soon or near future; take your time. Don’t be in hurry to fix yourself by attaching yourself to a relationship hoping that it will change you. The change you are seeking may not be the one you receive. Marriage should always be reserved for whole individuals. it takes two whole individuals, ready emotionally, physically and mentally to take on the task of being one, It's not two halves that make one, it's two whole ones that make a healthy one. Everyone brings baggage into a relationship, know the baggage that it in yours and have a plan on how you're going to handle it on at a time. Don't rush into trying to fix or take on other people's baggage if they have not invited you to help. talk about the things that are important to you, don't brush it under the cover saying its not important. It is to you, so put it on the table for discussion. Never hold back you needs and desires like they are not important to you. If something bothers you share it, no time is better than the present. Later is never greater to deal with issues that affect that heart.
For those of you seeking men with children outside your marriage, know the boundaries that surrounds those children. The bible is clear it the role that children play in every relationship. The spouse comes first, not the child. "Therefore a man shall leave mother and father and cling to his wife." it didn't say children. your mate she always put you first. He should seek to ensure that you are fulfilled in every capacity. His concern should be for your safety, and your need for being loved by him. Your role as the wife in the relationship is to love and honor your mate. respect him.
To the females that already have children outside of marriage, make sure that the man you choose to spend your life with, loves children. Make sure that he even wants children. Many times we go into relationships saying well its me he wants not my kid and so we forget to ask them how they feel. You are a package deal with your kid and so is he with his, so make sure you talk about the children and the boundaries surrounding them. Who will discipline? can we both discipline? Will we discipline separately? Now if there is already separation of roles from the beginning then, you need to ensure that at some point, there is a plan for a turn around where there is collaboration. " A house divided will never stand" children need to see that their parents are one and not divided, some feed off of that and it leaves the door open for confusion and Satan to sip in.
~Some things can be solved standing, but all things will be solved Kneeling~DayzAfter
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