"When he walked out and she moved in"
I have struggled with writing this piece because for so long I have been hurting. I have loved so hard and cried so hard that I tend to forget if there really is a happy place anymore. When I met him, I thought that God had finally answered my prayer. To find your soul mate and be with the one that would truly open up your eyes to the wonders of this world. He looked me in the eye and promised to take care of me, he promised to love me forsaking all others till death did us part. He promised to honor our marriage bed and to provide a safe place for our children to be fed. was it all a lie?
As I sit here in my own dwelling place, I shudder to think that, you are real. I wondered what happened. Did I gain too much weight? did not say I love you enough? did I not honor our vow? did I not honor you above all others? You walked into my life like a secret and left like a secret. I wonder what was God thinking when he gave you me. I wonder did he already know that you would leave me, on this could and lonely road.
On May 24, 2017, when you passed away, I felt like a piece of me had gone away with you. I felt like all the weight of the abuse and the lonely nights, was finally coming to an end. I wanted to be strong for you. I wanted to be the one that made the change to show that true love does exist and that people could change. I wore the mask, so well for I didn't want you to be disappointed in me. That I didn't have what it took to stay in this hell hole. When you died, I felt I was set free to be me. To take chances and to not pretend anymore, that I was happy, when all I was doing was dying slowly.
I want to dedicate this piece to you and all the women that suffered in silence, with no end in sight. I want to dedicate to those that had the courage to leave and survive and for those that didn't I say we will continue to fight. I sit here telling myself, there has to be a reason, why I have survived this ordeal over and over again.
Mama, I love you and want you to be proud of me, but I couldn't stay any longer. I have to do this for you, me and all the others that will come. I have to write and allow others to see that the true strength comes in those dark hours, those lonely hours, when there is no one looking, no one listen, but just him and I.
So, I dedicate this to my daughters, so they understand that life is a precious commodity and we have to be mindful who we allow into our circle. I want you two to understand who precious your time is and how beautiful you are. I pray that God will bless you two, with loving husbands that will cherish you and honor you as the queens you are.
As I sit here in my own dwelling place, I shudder to think that, you are real. I wondered what happened. Did I gain too much weight? did not say I love you enough? did I not honor our vow? did I not honor you above all others? You walked into my life like a secret and left like a secret. I wonder what was God thinking when he gave you me. I wonder did he already know that you would leave me, on this could and lonely road.
On May 24, 2017, when you passed away, I felt like a piece of me had gone away with you. I felt like all the weight of the abuse and the lonely nights, was finally coming to an end. I wanted to be strong for you. I wanted to be the one that made the change to show that true love does exist and that people could change. I wore the mask, so well for I didn't want you to be disappointed in me. That I didn't have what it took to stay in this hell hole. When you died, I felt I was set free to be me. To take chances and to not pretend anymore, that I was happy, when all I was doing was dying slowly.
I want to dedicate this piece to you and all the women that suffered in silence, with no end in sight. I want to dedicate to those that had the courage to leave and survive and for those that didn't I say we will continue to fight. I sit here telling myself, there has to be a reason, why I have survived this ordeal over and over again.
Mama, I love you and want you to be proud of me, but I couldn't stay any longer. I have to do this for you, me and all the others that will come. I have to write and allow others to see that the true strength comes in those dark hours, those lonely hours, when there is no one looking, no one listen, but just him and I.
So, I dedicate this to my daughters, so they understand that life is a precious commodity and we have to be mindful who we allow into our circle. I want you two to understand who precious your time is and how beautiful you are. I pray that God will bless you two, with loving husbands that will cherish you and honor you as the queens you are.
Life continues. The journey continues
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