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Grief rears its ugly head

This year I have suffered many losses. My grand mother died 3 years ago. My cousin recently passed from breast cancer my uncle suddenly  had a heart attack and passed. All this loss has shown me how precious life is. I cried countless nights for my loved ones. I refuse to be depressed about it. I know that God has a plan for us all.  Today, I spent time with a dear friend and he showed me what closure feels like. Every situation, does not feel the same. Two people can experience the same situation and come out feeling totally different things. Learning to love each person for who they are and not what they bring  creates an atmosphere for pure love. I have being on this journey to my dayzafter. I have  fallen in and out of love for years since my divorce. I dont regret any experience that I go through, for it teaches me more about me than I have ever learnt in 40 years.  My dayzafter came in the form of a gentle breeze that brushed right into my life without me expecting it. T
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"When he walked out and she moved in"

I have struggled with writing this piece because for so long I have been hurting. I have loved so hard and cried so hard that I tend to forget if there really is a happy place anymore.  When I met him, I thought that God had finally answered my prayer. To find your soul mate and be with the one that would truly open up your eyes to the wonders of this world. He looked me in the eye and promised to take care of me, he promised to love me forsaking all others till death did us part. He promised to honor our marriage bed and to provide a safe place for our children to be fed.  was it all a lie? As I sit here in my own dwelling place, I shudder to think that, you are real. I wondered what happened. Did I gain too much weight? did not say I love you enough? did I not honor our vow? did I not honor you above all others?  You walked into my life like a secret and left like a secret. I wonder what was God thinking when he gave you me.  I wonder did he already know that you would leave me, on
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DayzAfter: The effects of parental components in a trauma-foc...

DayzAfter: The effects of parental components in a trauma-foc... : I saw this article and thought it was a good read.  in our society today, many of us and our children have witnessed some form of domestic v...
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The effects of parental components in a trauma-focused cognitive behavioral based therapy for children exposed to interparental violence

I saw this article and thought it was a good read.  in our society today, many of us and our children have witnessed some form of domestic violence, we struggle to understand why our child have detachment, attachment issues, issues with cutting, suicide, and the like. take a read. I promise it will open your mind up, I know mine did. Understand why you parent the way you do, why some of us can't feel connected to our own children . http://eds.a.ebscohost.com.ezproxy.uta.edu/ehost/pdfviewer/pdfviewer?sid=1709bd40-f8d5-4317-a438-15233b96beb0%40sessionmgr4003&vid=1&hid=4210
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I SAW THE WRITING ON THE WALL

I sit here today wondering why I am so sad.  I have a husband and a family but yet I feel like I am all alone.  You see my husband has been cheating on me and he thinks that he has hidden it well enough that I couldn't possible know.  There comes a time in everyone's life where they will face that day, when they find out that their mate has not been faithful. The silent calls, the whispers, the emails, the late night house calls, the change in dress, the frivolous spending, all signs that I tried my hardest to ignore. Some say that he didn't have a physical connection, well the bible says that, " if a man should lust after another woman then he has already committed adultery" it's just a matter of opportunity.    Understanding why men cheat is something many scholars before me have tried hardest to explain.  Maybe he cheats because you are not doing your wifely duties, Maybe he cheats because you are not looking the same any more.  Maybe he cheats because you
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LIVING WITH MY DISORDER: Breaking barriers to Mental Health

     From the time I was born I knew I was special, but not this kind of special. For most of my life that I can remember, I was taken advantage of by men. I never quite understood why I would constantly put myself in the position to be used and abused, but I did.  I grew up in a family that does not speak on many issues, such as sex, STD's, diseases and god forbid mental health.       As an adult I was told that as a child I was hidden from the public because I was ugly.  that was enough to cause trauma in my mind that made me very insecure and unsure of myself and my worth.  I grew up thinking that I wasn't in my right family, I constantly second guess myself.  I craved attention.  In high school, I would faint almost every Monday, which  was my way of getting the attention that I so craved at home.  I was the first child of my mother, but lived in a home with so many cousins that I was lost and forgotten as I was the youngest and most rebellious. We all know too well that w
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Letter to my Graduate

To you my dearest child This has been a long ride. The day you were born was filled with joy and laughter.  I was so glad to finally welcome you into this world, to hold your hands, kiss your cheeks, sing you songs and tell you stories that would create memories of a lifetime.  I couldn't envision a more glorious day. We have been through so many ups and downs, but I tried my best to shelter you from all the bad. I wanted you to have everything I never had and more.  The thought of being loved to the point that it hurts (in a good way). I wanted to offer you a little bit of pain so that you were not so sheltered, that you couldn't deal with the world and the disappointments that it will bring to you. The world can be cruel, people will lie to you, they will say all sorts of mean things to you and about you. People will promise you all sorts of things that they know very well they can't give, but that's the reason I provided you with the best so you know what that lo
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